Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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