Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
