And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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