do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
