i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
