The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
