There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
