remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
