Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
