4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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