i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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