then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
