i can't believe i had my finger in that
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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