I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
