I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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