I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
