i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
