your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
