i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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