??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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