she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
