I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
