Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
