No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
