why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
