thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
