i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
