You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
