We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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