That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Operation Purity has been aborted
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
