I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we're so committed to being not committed
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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