I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
