he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
