You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
