I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
