Redeem this text for a blowjob
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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