I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
