I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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