Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
