wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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