K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
