He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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