Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
