Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
