Little spoons don't ask big questions
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
