the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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