I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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