Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
