Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
