That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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